Memories of Connor's Adventures

Orlando the Adventurer pulled a Scimitar from beneath his Robes and smiled...

Saturday 28 October 2017

Pre-emptive Strike: A children's Guide to Better Presents

How to Negotiate with the Jolly fat man in the red suit

Psychological blackmail: when mommy and/or daddy take you to see Santa and you sit on santa's knee, do so with a smile then pull his beard. If it comes off announce "you're not Santa!" and look at your parent(s) with an angry look. This makes them feel guilty. They buy more presents. This can be risky. If santa's beard is real you need to smile and give him a hug...but dont tell him what you want for Christmas. This means mommy/daddy must resort to the write a letter to Santa method of getting information.

Prophaganda: when writing a letter to Santa never include what you want for Christmas. This is a ruthless parent trap that mommy/daddy resort to in order to discern what you want. By only writing about the gifts you want to give to others in your letter to Santa you undermine the ability of mommmy/daddy to use it as a method of interrogation. I recommend you start with:
Dear Santa, please make mommy and daddy happy this Christmas. This will make your mommy and daddy worry you are fixating on their wellbeing. Next you ask for big presents for your brother(s) and/or sister(s):
please also give (name all brothers/sisters) big presents and a hug.
Now end the letter with: I hope you are well, (your name)
This will undermine the willpower of mommy and daddy.

No comments:

Post a Comment